hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
