My first STD was from a foam party
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
