Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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