Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
