It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
