I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
