Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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