The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
