We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
