Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
