Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
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I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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