So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
