woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
