Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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