dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
