Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
