My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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