no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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