Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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