He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
