I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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