I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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