bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
