this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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