i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
