dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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