how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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