I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
