i would punch a child for taco bell
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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