Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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