if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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