And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
