i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you didnt know i had herpes?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
