I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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