I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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