dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
