im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize