and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
