I think my fart just growled at me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
