That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
