you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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