either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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