The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
