dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
