FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
