If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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