when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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