How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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