so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
