I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
