you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
