I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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