This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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