how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
