Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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