Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
