I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
