yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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