I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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