Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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