I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
