the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
