hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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