I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
