WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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