Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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