The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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