I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
