Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it was like eating out sand paper
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
