Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
