She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
