Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
