stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
