You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
