Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
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The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
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She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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