Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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