I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
