I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
try to milk me bitch
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
